It’s been awhile that’s for sure and a lot has happened. New classes, failed exams, new lesson, new relationships, and all that good stuff.

But today let’s blog about things I have learned. I learned that minimalist doesn’t cut it anymore in College. I don’t understand why I have been at this stage for a very long time, I am slowly breaking the habit, but it is difficult and learning it doesn’t come easy. I have failed all my Exams except the Guitar one, which I haven’t take, but I have confidence that I will pass (not like Physics).

Self analysis

I don’t get along with most Engineers people, I think. The people I do get along with are really good people, but majority the time it seems like what I been saying before how I don’t like most CS majors (despite being one)…I don’t like most people here in College. Maybe this accelerated course of work here at Drexel isn’t suited for me- no I lied. I love the speed, but hate what it does to people perhaps…. they don’t care for you, perhaps the professor do…well at lest some of them. The kids are college kids. Oh well.

Oh, my computer been acting up. It violently. I think there’s something lose, but it crashes like hell when I bang it gently now….This computer is my baby after all, so I should it like one.

Computer

I am taking down major notes on the Python library that I need to complete this assignment. I am learning a lot because of my self studying and what the class tells me to do, although I should look at what topics we are on since we have a midterm coming up. Talk about back to back midterms.

English

I failed my first English paper. Minimal writing doesn’t cut it anymore. This is a good reality check for me, but unfortunately I am afraid to commit to the writing, I’m scared to keep writing or take daring correlation, but I guess it’s worth a shot. No point in hiding forever. What happen Kevin? I use to love writing and now I’m shy of it?

I guess I am afraid because my opinions in College isn’t as effective as it was in High school. I miss the old Robotics team, there’s no one to replace them and what remains isn’t the same, can I form my own team? Is there anyone who is willingly to take risks with me and start a game company or some kind of company that requires designing and imagination?

Skills

I am slowly rapidly developing a skill to read and walk to my destination. Usually, this seem trivial, but it is hard when there’s construction everywhere. People look at me. I think I am the only one on campus who does this beside my Calc III professor…last time I read the title of his book, it was about black holes or something. I am walking (fast pace) and reading my book, “Code”. Trying to finish it up. Unfortunately it is on the difficult chapter, but I will finish it and go reread it for complete understanding sometime in the future.

Some people are assholes. “Don’t you hate the feeling of cramming before a midterm?” Excuse me sir….I am reading on my leisure. As you walk, you may talk to your friends- I can do that, but I don’t think you can read as you walk for fun. I am reading for myself so I can expand my knowledge about Computers. And maybe perhaps I will read fantasy books too if I want, but as of now I am reading about memory loading and how instructions are called, which by the way is really tricky. Mad geniuses these people who designed these.

Overall

I hope this will end will. I can’t wait for the Co-Op period. I want to work and hopefully get a sense of a team again. I miss designing. I am working on a Game Design project, but the pressure of dead lines aren’t fun and also…I have a few sense of a “team” within us…but maybe it will come together.

As for the ones who wanted me to be in their teams..I say…despite probably getting a bad grade and stressing out….Programming a game and programming a robot is very similar and different. I could have got an A, but why take the easy way? I want to expand my abilities.

As a Programmer…well I consider myself as one…I believe all Programmers should be multi-talented…

That’s why I can do animations, special effects, direct, play guitar, program, play games, socialize, and what else? Many more…..am I wrong? No I don’t….

Bret Victor once said during his presentation, “Inventing On Principle”…
“If there something in the world that you feel is a wrong and you have a vision what a better world can be…You can find your guiding principles and fight for a cause…”

That’s what I been trying to do…without knowing it….and still I am trying to find that principles despite living it… There’s something out there that I don’t feel write about the current way CS is being taught or being approach, maybe I’m wrong and naive…But….it will take some time before I truly know what I want….

As for know..I am just expanding my knowledge..hopefully one day I will find out during my reads.

I haven’t posted in awhile, because I been busy with no other than college.

I been working on an engineering project. I quit the Fire Fighting Robot NXT competition that would help me get in the DASL. I didn’t like the people I was working with, actually to be more exact the “magic” wasn’t there anymore.

We had to chose a project for our freshman engineering project and at first I was thinking to do more robotics, but…. I chose Game Design.

I did this, not because I’m sick of Robotics…I chose this because as a  CS major I need to diverse myself in different programming style. Programming for a game compared to programming for a robot is two different fields.

I’m learning….

What I really wanted to post today was some personal thoughts, but I think it should be kept to myself for some other time…..Then again I am tired and my mind likes to stir trouble when I’m tired…haha

I’m a little mad

Today my mother was in a car accident… I am thankful that my Mom is alright and my hopes goes to the girl’s family (You can read it here: http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/4-Injured-After-Car-Hits-South-Philadelphia-House-144146675.html)

Anyway… after seeing that my mom is okay, I started to animate..and let me say that it feels good to brush off some old dust and rust…

Everything is good…but now I’m wondering if I want to make this animations-video public or not….and I’m think about different style of how to get it more interactive….

Paper fade to RL? And what about the RL scene?…*shrug*…I’ll figure it out along the way..

Anyway…I don’t have much to say…considering today drain most of my energy…I hope Mom makes a speedy recovery.

A bad pun and a easily dead give away to people who know what’s been going on in my life.

I recently became inspired to animate and do some video again, but this time with a purpose. I won’t go into much details like I usually do, because this special.

I will say that I’m trying out a new style that involves animations to live film to real life. I hope I can get it down…I believe it takes practice, patience, and timing. I also found the music I want to use for the animation film. I already finished writing down the script for the animations part, but not my person speech… maybe I don’t need to practice it..maybe it will come out naturally? Who knows? As for the real life scene, I’m not so sure yet…..

I already have some character design…I’m afraid that my female characters will look awkward, but hey…I’m just an amateur.

Anyway, I’m not perfect at execution, but this is suppose to be cute and it involves penis!

Hahaha, guys…seriously….If you hate me now, if we were friends, are friends- w.e…
Thanks, because in someway…in some aspect in my life..you guys help me grow as a person. Thanks you all.

This is my parents. This was before they got married, here they are just boyfriend and girlfriend. My Mom is walking my Dad to the airport for him to go to America for the first time. I believe my dad was trying to find a job and earn enough money to marry my mom and bring her to America as well.

While my Dad was in America, he went to many places such as Love Park and the Gallery in Philadelphia, but this photo here is the English class that my dad took for two months. He was the brightest student in the class. The two people on the right of the teacher became successful, while my dad became a chef at Chinatown. What happen?

My Dad only took the class for two months. He was constantly working and when he had enough money he went straight back to China for my mom where they got married.

My parents married. My Dad traveled to America, then decided to give up the opportunity to learn English fluent, because he loved my mom that much. It’s sweet that my Dad would do that just to be with my mom. In China, they had my sister and then they came here to America for my sister benefit.

Soon after they bore me.

I drooled a lot apparently.  (This story was all rough translation from what I picked up)

My Mom says that my Dad could have been a wealthy person, but he’s wealthy with love. I feel as if I’m a reflection, not a perfect one, of him…so is my little brother. If he had the chance to learn English again, he would do the same thing we’re doing. He sacrifice his opportunities for us. He’s our Father. My Mom knows this and loves my Dad for being so kind, she use to fear that he’ll end up in trouble considering he was always helping people.

I feel bad whenever I fail or score low on the test, because I’m wasting the opportunities. I don’t feel obligated, it’s just me, but I do feel like my Father despite how much I deny it. (I actually bore him today when trying to explain Google and Apple marketing platform).

I like to help people. The team I mentored, my old team. I spent a lot of time for you guys-us.

We…can I even say we? We won our first award in FIRST. It may not be a Chairman’s Award, but it was darn close. We made a mark. You guys are amazing and talented.

I wonder Dad, what do you think about all this? I know Mom says I worry about the RoboLancers more than I do about College, which is true…..I care about you guys….I love it! YOU!

I feel good, celebrate RoboLancers!

Mom and Dad, I love that we’re getting closer. I want to talk to you more, but I need to get better at Chinese. I will, I love you guys. All of you.

We lost the competitions in a embarrassing fashion, despite how integrated the system and design is, it goes to show you that dumb luck wins sometime. Even though it’s not a big significant to the community, I’m going to open source BISON model and source code, but in parts.

Overview:

BISON is built out of only the starter kit of the NXT. It uses 3 motors and 3 sensors. Technically there is 4 sensors that are being used, because of the NXT motor encoders.

It’s a two-wheel drive and the the third motor is use for the manipulator which has a the starter kit Light Sensor. A button is attach on the bottom to detect if has any object in it’s “grasps”.

Sensors:

The most important thing that people don’t know or forget that the Light Sensor can act as a Color Sensor as well. Therefore it can tell where the light source and the color of the object (when the red light is on, it’s reflections based on the color will tell what color value the object is)

The encoders is much more accurate than just telling the robot to move forward for a certain time, because dead reckoning program varies based on battery life. Encoder makes sure the rotation of the wheel is met (when told so).

The Ultra-Sonic, just tells distance in cm.

Issues:

This design is flawless, but no well thought out based on the limited sensors. The code I have written works about 80% or less of the time depending on situation. The problem is that I didn’t make anything adaptive depending on the “targeting mode” when I typed it up. Everything is fine, except for some weight distributions.

Operation:

BISON well run on a path, that will randomly pick up object. Once the object is picked up, it will bring the motor down with the Light Sensor and then read the color of the object. When it is read, the Light Sensor will be raised back up to search for the light source. Depending on if it’s a yellow or blue object it will sort like so:

Blue: Find light source, approach it, then after a certain amount of distance before it hit the fence. Drop it off and go back to “searchMode”

Yellow: It will find the light source that is thedarkest, the arm will go down and read the color of thefloor. (Meaning it will go forward while reading the color) and when it sees the the drop off center, it will drop and go back to “searchMode”.

searchMode is basically a path that will travel a set distance-NOT TIME- distance. It will check the Ultra-Sonic, if it’s close to a wall or not.

I will upload the source code later as of now. If you have any question, ask me or email me at lemondropoflife@yahoo.com

There’s a lot of interesting programming in this robot, conceptually, the code itself is not refined, but like I said it’s very interesting (compared to most group who use dead reckoning programming and other parts outside of the kit)

As my work and stress level unwinds, more problems arise. It is funny how to technical blog for development have become not just a technical development blog, but also a emotional development of my life. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my autobiography! *bows*

Let me start by saying, I am human. I hate people, but I love human being. Does this make sense? Human being are amazing. They can change, created, and imagined anything they want. By will or accident, we surprise each other. We are all flawed. I love this. I love this because it is what we are, it defines us. We are no God. I don’t believe in that, but as a iconic image there is a god. I am atheist, if that last comment confused you.

Listening to Michael Buble, I like all taste of music, makes me happy. “Haven’t Met You Yet,” is the amazing and cute. I mean cute as in hopeful. It makes me hopeful for me and perhaps people out there. That’s on the side.

I was originally going to post about my Dad. I love that man and talk greatly about him, but remember he is human. He had his flaws. He still does, but none compared to his old one. He gambled a lot before, along smoked. I remember my folks use to argue a lot, because he would go gambling until dawn and lose his and my mom’s hard earned money. I was only 3 or 4 (pretty sure 3) when my mom grabbed me and pull my aside and said, “If Mommy and Daddy were to split up, who will you pick to go with?” I was only a child when she said that, I didn’t understand. Luckily, it didn’t happen and they love each dearly. I started to love my immediate family more, because I realize nothing replace family.

Recently, I been loving everyone I know. I mean that I appreciate more of what I have. Fuck rich people! That’s all I have to say. I mean, I hate rich people who don’t realize how privilege they are. I can’t pay for additional classes, cause my folks are poor. Sorry guy in my class, that my parents never finished elementary school because the farm worked demanded them more and they need to feed their brothers, sisters, and parents. Sorry that I can’t simply ask my parents for money without second thought. Sorry, that I am mad.

I think to myself when this happens. I think, “If my parents weren’t poor, then they would have never taught me these core lessons. I would never have been the person I am today. I would have never learned about sharing and value friendship so closely.” My parents, too loving sometime. They have helped friends and family when they first came to America and in the end got nothing in return. They got them jobs, then hep them find houses, then when those family and friends get their life they sometime but very often become “successful” and don’t help us out. Sure, my parents complain, but who cares they say….we have each other!

I’m flawed, so is everyone. I love it. Exploit me please, because how can I be a better person without it? Too kind, sometime, but I can be rigid and cold too. Takes a lot though.

People I hate. They are subjective and categorized like what I just did. They cluster. No uniqueness, until you break them into individual person. Get it?

Anyway, it’s 2:27 am and I’m sleeping at home tonight. My real home. This means I’ll be late for class tomorrow morning. Guys, I really love you guys…cause no matter how dickish, mean, angry, annoying, stupid….terrible I am…you guys still stick with me and fix me. I been “upgraded” so many time, I thankful for finding all the good pieces of me and putting them back into me. I am nerdy and a little geeky, but that’s the charm I have. Thank you!

People….learn to love yourself. Human, you guys are great, but try not to fault.

It’s 3:03AM and I’m still working on my code. I think after I post this post, I’ll call it a night. The reason today for me posting is not because of my emotional imbalance or anything, but in fact something that I been thinking.

I been thinking about my ex, only because my friends are watching a sitcom and they were talking about ex’s and my other friends online blog or comments something them, so as I try to lay in my bed and sleep couple minute before hand I was thinking about the past.

I remember the emotions and what went through my head when I was with my ex, it was sweet, but bitter at the same time. As I brought myself back to the present time, I thought of what lessons I learned. I mean, why do we keep holding on feelings to the past? It’s because it defines who we are today, but dwelling on the past does not make us who we should be in the present, right?

I remembered the drastic and daring things I did for her. I sacrifice a lot of my time for her and at that point I thought, “Does it even matter to her now?” Probably not. I remember a character from the sitcom that my friend watched said something along the line of, “When I saw her happy, all my anger melt away. If she was really meant for me, then she would have still be with me. She moved on, so should I.”

Moved on….I wonder what that really meant of felt like. Does it mean to remember the past in bitter sweetness or just go “Oh yeah…I remember that” as if it was a childhood memory like learning how to ride a bike? How does it feel?

For me, I feels like a bitter sweet trip. I read online once that’s how it’s feel. What did I actually miss, why aren’t I angry? What I really missed was just a person to talk to, someone who seem so real to my world…my level….gone, but here’s the catch….if it was true, then why isn’t she in my world anymore? Why aren’t I mad? I was, now I’m not. I spit bitterness, because I realize how foolish I was and how different we were actually are! In fact, the saying “I guess you didn’t know me at all” is true.

I was always a disturbed person in her eyes, that’s how I presented myself to her…why? Cause I’m not attune with my emotions, that’s why, but that’s isn’t completely true. Friends and family tell me I’m a honest, nice guy. Am I missing something? Shouldn’t the person that knows you best, is you? It’s true, but the person who can’t himself outside of his own eyes as he interact in the real world, doesn’t get to see the whole picture!

Point is…. keep them close to memory, but not to heart cause they broke your heart..therefore there’s no heart for them to keep close by……

A new heart is born….just need to let it grow.

I’m not sure about you guys, but for me…..I’m just waiting as I’m coding away…..

As I was reading my self-help psychology book, I remembered something.

I was first thinking about myself and how persistent and surprising I can be when it comes to girls. I remembered myself when I had a girlfriend that we got into an argument and right after work I went straight to her place to apologize in person. This was a 45-30 minute travel. I remembered how I always stayed late at her house up to 12 am sometime and then get my Dad to drive me. Then it hit me…

I was thinking about how my parents drove me to the dorms from the my Dad workplace in Chinatown. I then thought about all the times I made my Dad drove me home from my ex. My ex’s home is farther than my dorm. This was late at night. My dad is already tired from work and now have to drive his son from his ex’s place…I was never that thankful for him being there. I really care for him now. I appreciated my Dad, but now I make sure that I really appreciated him and love him.

I always grew up with my Mom, because my father was always at work. I’m a little Momma’s boy. He comes home at night and sometime I see him. I remember as a kid when I saw him in the morning when he had time to visit home, I would run up to him with my sister and yell “DADDY!” in excitement and joy. As the year past, my Dad work later shift and kept himself busy with errands on his off days. I saw less of him, only when I stayed up late I saw him and even then I couldn’t really talk to him. The language barrier and his tiredness from work. I remember right after work, he went straight to finish up the house chores, then go to sleep late night. I listened to his conversation with my mother at night as she massaged him. My Dad was very sore from work and even now. Less now, because his body learned to endure the pain, but it’s still there. Dad……

You’re only 49 now and you’re pushing yourself too hard. “What can I do?” he says, “That’s just how life is. I worked for your mother and you guys.” Everyday now I see him, I make sure he’s feeling alright, despite how much time he brush it aside. I try to help with the chore whenever I’m around the house, but he says he got it. Stubbornness runs in the family, but in a sense of “I can handle the work, you go to sleep” so it’s good stubbornness in a way. Every time I talk about my Dad, I cry now…I get a little teary. My Mom too, I love her too, but I never knew that Dad did so much and dealt with so much..even to this day…

I never really appreciated him, only recently when we started talking..well try to talk late at night. It was near the end of high school year that we began talking more, because I would stay up later because of robotics. He was always a science enthusiast and he wanted to know what his crazy son was up to. I man not be the mechanical person he imagined me to be, but he thought it was cool how I can figure stuff in my head as a software guy despite how he says, “I don’t think you’re that smart” (sarcastically, I get my humor from him). It’s okay cause my Brother is the hardware guy, while I’m the software. I never knew my dad was so smart. Let me tell you.

This guy, my Dad…this is a person who can’t read much English or have time to keep updated with the news or technology, but this is what he said to me on an errand one time.

“Kevin, you know those hybrids cars?”
“Yeah…what about them?”
“I have an idea”
“Okay…let me hear it”
“They should have a fan inside of the car, so that as the car drives the fan moves therefore it generates electricity for the cars.”
“That’s a good idea-“
“I have more. The tires too! They’re rotating, so they can be generated for power too!”
“Dad….I didn’t know you were so smart…”
“You’re Dad is smart, but doesn’t know English. If I knew English, everything would have been easier”

That day, I’ll never forget. I told my friend his ideas and he said they have been done, but for my Dad to think about something like that with no knowledge of today’s technology….that’s genius.

Why didn’t I show my Father the love that I’m showing now? Because I was foolish and didn’t know him as well. He always working…I wrote an essay about him during English 101, I didn’t complete the assignment objectives, but I did make my English moved. I’ll post it online if you guys one, it was my first time opening up and talking about my Dad. Maybe I’ll write one for my mom some day.

The reason why I started writing about him over my first idea (which was my experiences in Robotics) is that my Dad….his kind nature have molded me. Despite not seeing him as much as I want or having the experiences like other family have, He was an ideal role model. He was gentle, kind, wise- He tries to compromise, but let me tell you…when he’s mad…he’s mad. I get that from him too. Oh boy, he’s scary when he is crossed. If I were to portray this in the most Eastern way possible, I would say he’s like a tiger-dragon hybrid taking down the whole Great Wall. As funny as that sound, it’s pretty darn scary.

Now back to what I was saying, he taught somehow to be me. Despite my outburst of emotions on tumblr…..by nature….I care about everyone like my father….maybe a little too much though….anyway, when I was taking English 101…..an event happened with my father that changed me. It is the reason that caused me to realize that I should really be a better son.

Around that time, my dad was in the hospital. He was struggling with this disease (I’ll type it later if you want) that caused blindness. He was losing his vision basically. One day he can see perfectly, then slowly everything was blurry. The disease or whatever medical term they use….condition….is that something builds up behind the eye causing a blockage…therefore causing him not to see. He was in the hospital and wasn’t able to work for a couple of weeks. Almost everyday I traveled to the hospital to visit him. Luckily, it was part of Drexel, so traveling there was easy. I saw this man, my Father…only 48 (it was recently last year) having problems of an old man. First back aches and now blindness? What kind of “young” adult goes through this at this age? An overworked one. Come on dad, you’re working yourself to death! He knows this, but he still do it for the family. He loves his family….when he got out, my mom was very happy and relieved. I visit him once in awhile at work, not so much now because he’s much better. The doctors gave him some pills that he needs to take for the rest of his life. It’s making him a little chubby, but hey…at least he still can see. It’s not what is use to, but it’s something. The drugs at first made him so weak, he complained about it everyday. Barely able to hold up the wok or anything, then he had a bad skin reaction to it. 48 years old! You’re kidding me! No, I’m not….but his body adapt and now he’s just a kind of chubby person..not fat..just a chubby cheek person.

Dad, you’re so cool. That’s why I come home every Monday now to eat dinner with you and the family. That’s why I set up Monday movies night with the family, it’s cause man Dad…..I learned. Dad, I know that I didn’t want to share my emotions with you when you came and asked me  what’s wrong…and I know you were kind jealous of my Mom, but Dad…I know you really love me too. It was just that I cried out all my tears in front of Mom first…..I can’t cry twice..haha…

Dad….I’m pretty sure you know that I love you big time and I think you’re really great, but I’m probably sure you want me to say it too despite how embarrassing it can be. Like I would be embarrass too if my son said it to me (assuming if I ever have children)….You’re going to say “Yeah…whatever”, but I know deep down inside you feel the same….only problem is that I won’t say it….My Chinese is bad and well…we’re too busy…. Maybe tomorrow when I’m over at home eating dinner the opportunity will pop up….but as for now…you take of yourself, you hear? Drive safe, eat healthy! Get me sleep, dammit! I’m tired of you always doing laundry at night, when you should be sleeping! Calvin can wash his own clothes, haha!

Anyway Dad..I know you can’t read this or will ever know this….but I love you.